Mungkin Nanti

Saatnya ku berkata mungkin yang terakhir kalinya
Sudahlah lepaskan semua kuyakin inilah waktunya
Mungkin saja kau bukan yang dulu lagi
Mungkin saja rasa itu telah pergi

Nearly everybody has gone back to their respective homes. I'm still here in Kuantan, invigilating an exam, and trying to tie all the loose ends. Will be away for about 3 weeks, so I'm trying my very best not to leave anything in Kuantan.
There are a few things that should be left behind, though. My sadness, for one. This kusut jiwang feeling, for another. I'm trying to start anew with the coming Syawal. Wounds will heal, minds will forget, hearts will forgive...

To all my friends, I wish you selamat hari raya Aidil Fitri; maaf zahir batin. Halalkan apa-apa yang termakan dan terminum. Take care, and for those who will travel, have a safe journey.

I'll write again later.

Dan mungkin bila nanti kita kan bertemu lagi
Satu pintaku jangan kau coba tanyakan kembali
Rasa yang kutinggal mati
Seperti hari kemarin saat semua disini

Probe right? Stimulus left? Contralateral? Ipsilateral???

Am in the middle of marking the final exam papers. Need to take a rest - I'm getting confused myself. Met a lecturer who said, "I don't mind mining for answers" not so long ago; did she REALLY mean it? Mine are sort-of objective, fact-based questions - it's either you answer them right or you don't; and still I'm getting a headache...
Being on this side of academia makes me think - my lecturers must have had a field day laughing at my answers. Redundant sentences, messy handwriting, sketchy answers and diagrams...you name it, I did it. Not to add absences from class (I think I got barred from taking the exam once), fails and re-sits (twice, to be exact). It is a wonder... I'm sure I would feel like a hypocrite if I have to scold a student in the future hahahaha.

Empty

Still feeling empty. Every smile, every laugh feels fake. Wonder if it shows through. I think I still walk by with a sour or, if you're lucky, an expressionless face. I am very sorry to those people who have to endure me; I'll try my best to regain the "old me". I don't know whether I am going through a grieving process; things were and are not that bad actually... But still, this feels like denial. Or it is acceptance?
He still calls to wake me up for sahur. Now and then, he buzzes me in the Yahoo Messenger. I'm taking it in a stride; I feel that if I tell him to stop doing them, it represents my weakness.
Anyway, I hope all my platelets are going to my heart, to patch up the big deep wound I have inside. Keep the enemies out. And let me fill it with some kind of feeling again.

The keys to my heart, the map to my soul

Keji je last paragraph tu. Or am I subconciously like that? Do I fit anyone's specification? If you are rich, I'm still single hahahaha...(just joking; I'm not THAT materialistic).
Note the "cheating is zero" part...

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to good manners and elegance. In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved. You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring. You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage something you've always wanted... though you haven't really thought about it. In this moment, you think of love as something you can get or discard anytime. You're feeling self centered.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Hey, this is unfair!

Am in a blogthing frenzy now. Should be checking my students' final exam answers actually, but being the easily distracted me....
Anyway, this one really hit the spot...

How You Are In Love

You fall in love quickly and easily. And very often. You tend to give more than take in relationships. You tend to get very attached when you're with someone. You want to see your love all the time. You're secretly hoping your partner will change for you. You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.

How Are You In Love?

Purple Rain

Your Blog Should Be Purple

You're an expressive, offbeat blogger who tends to write about anything and everything. You tend to set blogging trends, and you're the most likely to write your own meme or survey. You are a bit distant though. Your blog is all about you - not what anyone else has to say.

What Color Should Your Blog or Journal Be?

State of Turmoil

I have been in a state of chaos these last few days. So much has happened - tears, joys, confessions, confusion, heartbreak, tears again....(and not in that order). I felt like I've been put into a front-loading washing machine, and then wrung, and then put into a tumble-dryer. The same goes to my emotions.
Anyway, I've taken a leave; and added to the holidays for Pahang, I get to stay in KL for about 5 days. A much-needed break from it all. But I think I can still feel the effects of that particular week have on me. I feel numb, I feel like I've lost my power of speech, my power of writing. God help me...

A few questions that I need to know
how you could ever hurt me so
I need to know what I've done wrong
and how long it's been going on
Was it that I never paid enough attention?
Or did I not give enough affection?
Not only will your answers keep me sane
but I'll know never to make the same mistake again
You can tell me to my face or even on the phone
You can write it in a letter, either way, I have to know
Did I never treat you right?
Did I always start the fight?
Either way, I'm going out of my mind
all the answers to my questions
I have to find