Let me tell you how it feels...

I saw him today. He's been asking me out, not as a date exactly, just for a drink or ice-cream, and I just can't refuse him this time around.

So we met. Him, me and my two loyal chaperones (one of them was JI). Just in case...

He still looks like the way he had always looked like when we were still dating. Maybe a bit rounder round the tummy, but that's all.

He still calls me Beey.

He still comments on my appearance ('that big bag makes you look older') and my habits ('she's always looking for her keys or her handphone') and his effect on me ('I make you want to go to the toilet').

And then he showed us his son. The son is a carbon-copy of the wife. I was stumped. I did manage to smile, and to let JI hold the baby first.

For a second, looking at JI holding the baby, my heart skipped a beat.

Then I got stumped again. Got stumped big time, baby.

And so I offered to hold the baby. And I was awashed with emotions.



Let me tell you how it feels...

I feel lost. I am lost. You win. No matter where I am now, what I've done, I lost to you.
I feel empty. I feel incomplete.
It feels like you're reaching for something, but you know that you'll never, ever going to get hold of it. And that something is staring at your face.
It feels like you want to smash everything to pieces, but your rational mind prevents you from doing it, and for you to follow your mind instead of your heart, it drains your energy.
I feel weak.

Now I know it is best not to see you again.

So tell me how you feel...